You would never have guessed this happened but...

I met Michael Phelps! Yes, "The" Michael Phelps, eight time gold medal winner in the Chinese Olympics, winner of many golden shoes, master bong toker. Yes, I met him. Not only did I meet this man, but I actually got the opportunity to party with him and his friendly friends. It was the after party for gold medal number five and we were hanging out at this Chinese bar. The name escapes me at the moment, but I believe it was called "SHOUTDIMSUM". Anyways, I walk up to this guy and he was exactly as I had expected him to have been; cocky, lanky and smelled like glasses. So he buys me a drink and I ask him, "What's your secret man? How are you so good?" It is then that he tells me exactly how he manages to win all the time. Of course I never believed him, it was absolutely absurd! There is no way he could get away with what he just told me. This made me feel yellow inside. So anyways, to make a long story short, he went on to win three more gold medals and proved me wrong by not getting caught. I still marvel at how he had managed to do that. So I come home and turn on the TV one day and he is on the television. He is being accused of smoking marijuana at a party. Great, now my new best friend is being sent to jail. So I devise a plan to break him out. I go Mary Poppins on that prison and fly in on an umbrella to save my new friend. When I arrived from the sky, I was surprised to see he was higher than I was. So I punch through the cement, grab him and fly out of that prison. I never left any clues behind so no one will ever know how he escaped or who helped him rob the McDonalds on the way back to my place. So we get to my house and he is finishing off the last of his eight combo number ones, when all of the sudden, Phelps drives us off the edge of a cliff. I think I forgot to mention that I traded in my umbrella for a smart car on the way home. Oh, and I let Phelps drive it too. So we died, well he died, I’m writing this story. I guess no one will ever believe me when I tell them that Michael always snuck a tug boat in the pool to help him win his races.

I swear to you, that is exactly how it all went down.