March Break

Fat
Most of my week consisted of fat
Double points week = fat
I spent too much time on my butt getting fat
I went to the gym and burned fat a few times
I ate alot of fatty foods
I drank some beer = fatty liquid
Fat

Highschool Diarrhea

Highschool highschool highschool. I've been here too long and need to get out as soon as possible. I mean it's fun it has been fun. Sports, parties, friends, weekends, summers, camping I guess the best part about school is the out of school stuff but the in class stuff can be good too depending on the teacher, who is in your class, the class itself. But I've been there before, I've graduated, I have the marks, I've got some offers. I am working for an 80 average that would be perfect, entrance scholarship. I think I'm at 78 or 79 right now somewhere around there at least. School dances suckedd thhey always have. Rugby is, was and always will be great. So was football we won this year that was a plus of coming back. I'm losing motivation though to keep coming to class I've got to keep it I mean only three months and a a bit and it will be summer. That is a refreshing word. Much more refreshing than the same hallways I've seen this I was fourteen. I need a change. It's coming

The Encounter

Have you ever been involved in some sort of life changing event that you neither anticipated would happen, or even imagined could ever happen? Well I can honestly say that I was involved in one of these exchanges and I will put it into detail for you so the whole world can share my sensational experience.

On a casual walk down Bay St. North in Hamilton, I was literally almost run over by a man with flowing locks and a marvelous voice. After picking myself up from the sidewalk and brushing myself off, I turned around to give the man a little piece of my mind. What happened next was nothing short of a miracle and would have made meeting Mother Theresa seem like a trip to the dentist.

“Never made it as a wise man…”

“WOW!!! Chad Effin’ Kroeger! It is really you! I can’t believe this it doesen’t make any sen-“

“Couldn’t cut it as a poor man stealin’”

“This is truly amazing! I remember you guys were coming into town but I never though that…I would have the chance… Gee I am sorry I am so star struck right now… it’s just… you know… I never get the opportuni-”

“I like your pants around your feet”

“Okay… you aren’t making much sense right now Chad… is your song lyrics the only words you can say?

“I like the dirt that’s on your knees”

“Yeah… well I wouldn’t have had any if you hadn’t knocked me over in the first place…”

At this point I was kind of sketched out at Chad, yet still awestruck at the same time. I figured it was time I let Chad be as he was probably quite busy.

“Listen Chad, I know you have a show to play and everything… so I will let you go and get ready or what not… It was phenomenal to have the chan-”

“It's hard to say it, time to say it. Goodbye, goodbye”

And then he disappeared into the crowd surrounding Copps Coliseum. I fell to my knees and wept at the thought that the unthinkable just happened. My life was forever changed from that moment on. I think yours might have been too if you were in my situation.

My favorite fiction

1. No Country For Old Men by Cormac McCarthy
Probably one of my favorite stories of all time. I immediately fell in love with the movie before I had even read the book or realized the message behind the story. It took me a while to get it at first, as I was intrigued by the direction and production of the film. However, once I understood the idea behind the story, I grew to love it even more. It speaks of the evolution of evil, and the realism that society will always be one step behind it. McCarthy creates characters that intrigued me (Llewelyn Moss) and scared the crap out of me (Anton Chigurh). Overall, it is a great story.

2. A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess I enjoyed this story mostly for the way that it was written. I did think it was a great story, plot wise, but the language Burgess used was incredible. He chose to write the novel using a Russian slang that the teenagers used. It was known as nasdat and was a bit confusing at first. Luckily, the novel I read had a small preface at the beginning that went over some of the slang used and helped a bit in the deciphering of this novel. The main character in the novel, Alex, is a terribly troubled teen who relishes in the violent acts that he commits. Burgess does a wonderful job at questioning the path society is taking into the future.

3. Slumdog Millionaire directed by Danny Boyle This is definitely one of the best "feel-good" stories I have ever experienced. I loved every single moment of this movie and I have already seen it three times. It tells the story of a young man from the slums of Mumbai, India, who has found himself on the Indian version of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. He has no knowledge, can hardly read, but has somehow managed to get himself to the final question on the show, much to the surprise of the host and all of India for that matter. The secret behind his success is the memories he has stored from his childhood that help him answer the questions. One of the best movies I have ever seen, and a great story overall.

4. The Pursuit Of Happyness directed by Gabriele Muccino

Another "feel-good" story that I extremely enjoyed. The success of this movie relied heavily on the acting abilities of Will Smith. He managed to convey the story of Chris Gardner, a down and out single father, extremely well on screen. The story takes place in San Francisco and follows him in his every day life trying to make it in a world that has no room for him or his son. Phenomenal story and has a ending that would make anyone smile. I love this movie.

5. The Catcher In The Rye by J. D. Salinger

A great American novel, it follows the life of the young protagonist Holden Caulfield as he tries to find himself in his disfunctional life. He has moved from school to school and can never seem to settle down anywhere. The story is told with him as the narrator and the reader gets a good insight into his troubled life. He travels through New York City over the period of a few days, meeting up with old accomplices and strangers he has never seen before. Salinger maneged to create an extremely provocative young character that has inspired many over the years. Another great novel and one of my favorites.

You would never have guessed this happened but...

I met Michael Phelps! Yes, "The" Michael Phelps, eight time gold medal winner in the Chinese Olympics, winner of many golden shoes, master bong toker. Yes, I met him. Not only did I meet this man, but I actually got the opportunity to party with him and his friendly friends. It was the after party for gold medal number five and we were hanging out at this Chinese bar. The name escapes me at the moment, but I believe it was called "SHOUTDIMSUM". Anyways, I walk up to this guy and he was exactly as I had expected him to have been; cocky, lanky and smelled like glasses. So he buys me a drink and I ask him, "What's your secret man? How are you so good?" It is then that he tells me exactly how he manages to win all the time. Of course I never believed him, it was absolutely absurd! There is no way he could get away with what he just told me. This made me feel yellow inside. So anyways, to make a long story short, he went on to win three more gold medals and proved me wrong by not getting caught. I still marvel at how he had managed to do that. So I come home and turn on the TV one day and he is on the television. He is being accused of smoking marijuana at a party. Great, now my new best friend is being sent to jail. So I devise a plan to break him out. I go Mary Poppins on that prison and fly in on an umbrella to save my new friend. When I arrived from the sky, I was surprised to see he was higher than I was. So I punch through the cement, grab him and fly out of that prison. I never left any clues behind so no one will ever know how he escaped or who helped him rob the McDonalds on the way back to my place. So we get to my house and he is finishing off the last of his eight combo number ones, when all of the sudden, Phelps drives us off the edge of a cliff. I think I forgot to mention that I traded in my umbrella for a smart car on the way home. Oh, and I let Phelps drive it too. So we died, well he died, I’m writing this story. I guess no one will ever believe me when I tell them that Michael always snuck a tug boat in the pool to help him win his races.

I swear to you, that is exactly how it all went down.

The Life Of a Beer Bottle

I wake up to the loud noise of flowing liquid and clanging glass
I look around and see many others just like me
Each one being filled to the brim with a bitter fluid
I feel like my lungs are being flooded, but I know I'm serving my purpose
They say I carry the most enjoyable poison the world has to offer!
The irony in that, like dating the nicest asshole
I get a new label this time, it is different each process I go through
Boxed up, shipped out
Then I get the call, I feel my box begin to move
Along the cold, metal cylinders that carry me to my next customer
It's really quite depressing
So much production value on my box, on my label
But it's not for me, just for the liquid courage that I carry
The elixir of truth some call it
Drunk minds speak sober hearts
Then comes my moment to shine
My cap is untwisted, I'm flipped head over heels
Out flows the liquid that choked my lungs
I can breath again and I've served my purpose
The night draws to a close, I'm thrown together with all those like me
People pay great amounts of money for our contents
But what are we worth in return?
No more than a nickel or a dime
The label is ripped off, we lose our identity once again
Off we go to the next plant where we can identified by some other brand
Like a prostitute being used over and over again
Sought after not for who we are, but what we have to offer
And once we've served our purpose, we are of no value

Then I am choked once again with that desirable poison
Just another day in the life of a beer bottle

Some filling literature

I’m pretty hungry today. As normal, my kitchen is empty; because of me. What else is lying around this house that has potential to feed my bottomless pit of a stomach? Well, the strudels are gone, and the Jamaican patty box is empty, so I guess I’ll move on to the next best thing; books!
Which books to eat? I mean I have to choose wisely… the wrong book could taste bad, or even worse, it might not fill me! Wait, what’s this book here? Mmmm, The Divine Comedy. You sure know how to write them, eh Dante? This story would be delicious! I mean, the farther I get through this story, the hotter it will be! Wow, hot circles of fire. Almost reminds me of spicy pizza, or a warm cake coming out of the oven. My mouth waters as I think about it.
I guess with all this spicy stuff going down the hatch, I might need something to wash it down with. Something cold, satisfying… something milky. Milky! Oh Burgess, I knew you would satisfy me one day. You’re tale of those boys, and their adventures… I mean, their nights almost always start with trips to the milk plus bars. A Clockwork Orange is perfect and just what I need to get that calcium in my bones, and that satisfying liquid in my stomach.
I’m feeling a main course now though; I need something meaty and filling. As I look around, I begin to smell it. It’s that familiar scent you get when you know that big ass turkey dinner is waiting for you. Then I see it, standing right in front of me. It is probably the meatiest book I could imagine. James Joyce’s Ulysses taunts me as it sits on my shelf, bending the infrastructure of the frail boards that try to support this monstrosity of a novel. This thing is huge! This constant stream of consciousness just keeps satisfying the depths of my stomach like nothing else can. I can almost say my stomach is reaching that point… but I must save room for some desert.
I don’t know what’s up with me lately. I’ve been striving to eat healthier, as all this eating has been packing on the pounds. My binge eating has led to my levels of high cholesterol and low levels of energy. I think it is time to turn things around and have something healthy for desert. I pick this fruity book and enjoy all the nutrients it has to offer. The Grapes of Wrath might not be the best tasting book; in fact it’s downright depressing and not what I had hoped for desert. The satisfaction though comes in the fact that I know it is good for me.
Wow, I am full. I sit down and bask in the glory of how bloated yet satisfied I am. My eyes shudder, and then they begin to close. I feel myself falling into a heavy sleep, and before I know it, I am out cold for the night. Then, after what seems like not more than a second, I awaken from my sleep. It is morning already! Wow… I guess all that food must have produced some serious serotonin in my body and put me out for the night. Once again however, I am hungry. I wake up and open my cupboards. Still nothing… damn. Then I open the fridge and a smile begins to form. I take one look at it, pick it up, and enjoy the satisfying taste of that book. There is nothing like some Green Eggs and Ham in the morning time.
Now that was a meal… I guess I will have to head to the grocery store soon… but that was satisfying. I will forever look at those books in a different way.